i never thought

there were a lot of things i expected walking into motherhood, but i never thought...

that such a tiny little thing could make my world so complete.

that i would really be able to recognize leighton's cry amongst all others. or that i would hear the nuances of i'm hungry, i'm wet, i'm tired, i'm upset & i'm just plain mad.

that i would drive like my grandma when i have her in the car.

that poop could really get all the way up a baby's back (and sometimes in her armpits) in 2 milliseconds. and that sometimes i wouldn't realize there was poop on me until i saw it later in a picture.

that i would ever hurt so much leaving her each morning.

that i could learn to trust someone to keep her during the day.

that russ and i would sometimes gladly turn on the lights & play with leighton instead of sleeping when she was smiley at 5am.

that i would have the nursing equivalent of porn star boobs. and that i would unashamedly pump the aforementioned driving down i35.

that a hungry baby is a form of a small, rabid animal.

that baby fingernails grow 17 inches per day.

that baby boogers can be larger than the baby.

that i would subject everyone i work with (mostly men) to my delivery story over & over again.

that i would think it was hysterical instead of mortifying when she absolutely destroyed her diaper in church as the music stopped and the sanctuary fell silent.

that i could take 5,000 pictures in less then 4 months. that i would proudly show them to complete strangers.

that i could just stare at leighton for hours.

that i could get so lost in talking to leighton in her car seat that i would wreck our basket in target and knock over the whole display.

that i could survive on precious little sleep without even caring. and that the sound of her cry in the middle of the night would be like music compared to a pager.

that i would appreciate vibrating furniture so much.

that i would absolutely celebrate every milestone. and make everyone else watch and celebrate it, too.

that i would coo & sing & talk like a babbling idiot in public.

that things i used to be high stress about have been relegated to the back burner. and that the world is sweeter because of it.

that i would have nightmares about her health and her safety.

that simple snaps could be so darn confusing & exasperating in the dark.

that my finger foods would often taste like desitin (which means a little like booty, too). and that i wouldn't even care.

that seeing her nose bleed one drop made me more scared than any level one trauma i've ever taken care of. that a quasi-fever would make me more alert than i've ever been in the icu.

that i could love anyone so much.

that i could pray so fervently.

i am smitten with my baby girl.